China Dog and Pony Show

“Life with Father” has always been one of my favorite movies, even after all this time — it came out in 1947, though I may have seen it first in the 1950’s, and I’ve seen it two or three times since then.

Certain scenes are classic, as any fan of the show will tell you, like the parade of children filing down the stairs to greet the new maid who, filled with Irish superstition, anxiously signed a digital anti-hex at the sight of each young red-head.

Father’s roaring temperament held sway over the family; Mother, very much in love with him, was doting, but like the Edith Bunker many of you may know better, managed the work-arounds that kept things running smoothly.

Here lately the movie came back to mind, in all its Technicolor glory, because of a recollection of what I call the china dog affair. It began when Mother bought a life-size bulldog figurine at the local department store.

Such ceramic ornaments were popular around the turn of the century, and it was perfect for the parlor. It was only $15.00, though that was not cheap in those days.
At the same time, even though Father really didn’t want to spring for a new suit for one of the boys, she told her son to go ahead and order it while picking up the bulldog; she was sure she would convince Father of the need.

When Father came upon the bulldog in his parlor he hit the ceiling; $15.00 was a lot of money and he considered it an eyesore in any event, and he ordered that it be returned to the store immediately.

Once her son pointed out to Mother that returning the china dog to the store would mean a $15.00 credit to their account that would just pay for the suit, the suit purchase was completed. Mother never could understand why Father didn’t see that it didn’t cost him a cent, after all!

When George Bush sent our sons and daughters to war in Iraq he took all the ones available from the ranks of the Army, the Navy, the Marines and the Air Force, and reached into the military reserves and the National Guard for more.

As time and the war went on, and it became clear that normal rotations would leave the field commanders without the numbers of troops they needed, some tours were extended from 12 to 15 months.

Some who had gone home were called back before their promised time at home had ended.
Some Guard and reserves who were due to go home were stop-lossed — told they must continue to serve beyond their original commitment.

As a result, many have served three and four tours in as many years.

Last week we were told that finally some troops will be coming home. Not a huge number, mind you, certainly not the number the most vocal war opponents have demanded, but some.

So what’s the problem?

The problem is that life with Bush is turning out to be a lot like “Life with Father,” except that in this case Bush is both Father and Mother: on the one hand running the family home with demands for more and longer service that approach tyranny, and on the other expecting us to believe that there is a generous 5,000 or so troop reduction about to happen because “we are making progress.”

When Senators asked General Petraeus how he could call the plan to bring those troops home between now and March a “reduction,” let alone because of progress, given that those troops had reached the absolute end of their tours and were due to come home anyway, he replied (I paraphrase):

“Well, yes I know they were due to come home anyway, but I could have requested they be extended, and in fact I was thinking about doing that, but I didn’t.”

And thanks to Mother’s china bulldog, those pants didn’t cost a thing.