Cheerleader-in-Chief

Over the weekend it was hard, if you watch television, to miss the commotion and excitement about the coming inauguration of Barack Obama as the new president of the United States. Seemed that people are just beside themselves in anticipation, and it occurred to me that the coming collective sigh of relief might just be enough to drive up global warming.

On a Sunday news show even Pat Buchanan — he of the impeccable conservative Republican credentials — seemed caught up in it, saying “It’s a great day, and I think the whole country, frankly, is feelin’ pretty good about it!”

My own emotions, as I checked in from time to time on the progress of the train trip bringing the Obamas and Bidens to Washington were open-the-faucet sentimental. The car in which they traveled was a 1930-vintage lovely dark blue observation car, veteran of many a presidential whistle-stop tour. It was the last car in an otherwise silvery length of modern Amtrak carriages, bearing lucky reporters and staff.

If you’re a railroad buff like me, and old enough to remember, you can picture the rich wood paneling and overstuffed chairs flanked by elegant ashtray stands and pleasant conversation, and wish that somehow you could be there, being served drinks and cigars — well, skip the cigars — and occasionally venturing out onto the platform to watch the tracks disappear into the distance as you roll through America.

Back in the day, the train attendants — waiters, porters, everyone except the conductor, as was the custom — were all black. The work was considered too menial for whites. There’s a lovely irony here.

* * *

The Onion, a satirical newspaper, in a story just after the election headlined “Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job,” wrote:

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind.

As I tried to decide what to make of George W. Bush’s farewell address to the nation, it suddenly occurred to me: If I worked for The Onion and was told to write George W. Bush’s parting message to the country as a satire, here's what I would have written:

“Tonight I am filled with gratitude — to Vice President Cheney and members of the Administration . . .”

“This evening, my thoughts return to the first night I addressed you from this house — September 11, 2001.”

“As the years passed, most Americans were able to return to life much as it had been before Nine-Eleven. But I never did. Every morning, I received a briefing on the threats to our Nation.”

“Afghanistan has gone from a nation where the Taliban harbored al Qaeda and stoned women in the streets to a young democracy that is fighting terror . . .”

“Iraq has gone from a brutal dictatorship . . . to an Arab democracy at the heart of the Middle East and a friend of the United States.”

“There is legitimate debate about many of these decisions. But there can be little debate about the results.”

“America has gone more than seven years without another terrorist attack on our soil.”

“Every taxpayer pays lower income taxes.”

“America’s air, water, and lands are measurably cleaner.”

“When challenges to our prosperity emerged, we rose to meet them.”

“Like all who have held this office before me, I have experienced setbacks. There are things I would do differently if given the chance. … You may not agree with some tough decisions I have made. But I hope you can agree that I was willing to make the tough decisions.”

* * *

From the time he stood on the rubble at Ground Zero and shouted through a bullhorn, Bush, famously a cheerleader in college, has conducted his presidency as cheerleader-in-chief. Not to worry, big hoo-yah. He’s made some tough decisions.

Notwithstanding the revelations about Dick Cheney’s support of torture, not questioning why the president hadn’t addressed the nation before 9/11, ignoring the question as to why he hadn’t acted on the “bin Laden determined to strike” memo, not worrying about the fact that Afghanistan is in chaos, and discounting the reality that Iraq says it wants the U.S. out of their country ASAP, it is certainly true that there is legitimate debate about many of Bush’s decisions. And there is legitimate debate about the results. But not to worry. He's made decisions.

America has gone more than seven years without a terrorist attack on our soil. But what of the eight years before 9/11? In 1993 al Qaeda struck the World Trade Center, and the Clinton security apparatus warned Bush that al Qaeda was a real threat. But Bush didn’t want to be seen following any Clinton lead, so despite warnings from just about everyone who was in the know he ignored the August 2001 memo. Bottom line: Clinton kept us safe on our homeland for eight years. And then we got 2001.

Every taxpayer. Did you see your taxes go down?

The environment? Clean Air Act, Healthy Forests Initiative . . . and what happened in Tennessee?

As for challenges to our prosperity, we know how that turned out.

Bush said he "shared the optimism of President Thomas Jefferson, who once wrote, ‘I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.’”

Indeed.